Midnight Talks
by RockThaWriter
Summary: The best talks are those really late at night.
1. Chapter 1

First: Square and circle, square, circle, triangles three times, X.

Second: Square, triangle, square, circle two times, X three times.

Third: Circle, X, square and triangle five times.

Effectiveness: 1. 80%, 2. 90%, 3. 85%

The pen fell from my quivering left hand after the fifty-second combination of fastest moves to eliminate your enemy was written onto the last line of the current page. Only when I flipped the page I discovered the end of my notebook. This wouldn't have been a problem, if I could have gotten my hands on a new one immediately, but under the given circumstances of our caretaker's absence regarding an important meeting with the founder of this institution and my recently received warning, I was in no position to do so. In order for students to get access to new school material their caretaker must approve that the notebook was used for something productive. In addition, if you had gotten a warning before, you cannot ask for anything in the following two weeks. They only decided on the latter rule about a year ago, when the next generation came to be after the former one dissolved by many of the orphans being old enough to leave or having simply failed the means of this school. Rumour has it the reason for the warning would often have been staying up beyond the times we were supposed to go to bed. Nowadays it didn't happen all too often, thanks to the new compact sleeping pill every insomniac got. Only possibility for many kids was "crime". The Wammy's House, whose inhabitants are only the best geniuses from around the globe, still developed their system with each generation. This was the 4th one already.

A sigh fell from my dry lips as I put the portable game console back into the drawer right next to my bed. To my left stood the neatly done bed of my roommate, who was introduced to the orphanage only a few months ago, yet still became one of the most important people with time. Said roommate's name was Mello. It may sound unrealistic, but around here we weren't supposed to use our real names no matter what. This had a reason, but I couldn't bother with thinking about it at that moment so my thoughts wandered back to the blonde sitting at his wooden desk on the right side of the room. Blond, blue-eyed, lean – probably a lot of girls' dream guy. Except for the little fact that there were barely any girls anymore, due to the high expectations our founder, Quillish Wammy, confronts us with. Linda, the last female genius had to leave soon after entering, because she turned out to be out of the spectrum this school wanted to focus on and couldn't keep up with the stress geniuses like us had to deal with daily. Unlike Mello, who achieved his spot as the second best – and therefore pushing me back to the third best – in only 3 months and that was more than astounding for a newcomer.

We tried to improve every day, through unspeakable amount of homework and extra work, which would eventually pay off. So Mello sat at his desk, writing away with the exercise he came up with to train his brilliant mind further and I decided to leave him to his work. Meanwhile I only relaxed on my bed and glanced out of the window. The sunset had long passed and the night sky showed itself in all its beauty. At night we would see the same setting as we lay in our beds opposite of each other: The moon shining into our room when it was pitch black inside and the stars keeping him company.

Mello put down the pen and I laid my eyes upon him. He was done apparently and packed up his utensils into his book bag, without a single word. The guy needed his space and time; I would be in no position to take that from him, not even as his best friend. It's been around nine months since I've met this genius in front of me, when our caretaker Roger had introduced him to me as my new roommate. This was quite curious considering that I had gotten a room for myself because of my insomnia and the danger of "socializing" too much if I were to have a person living in the same room as me. I knew I could be quite hyperactive sometimes, but by no means would I have gotten "too social" with someone. One day I passed two nurses talking about Mello and they said that he seemed to be too passionate about things he should not be. At the beginning I didn't understand what they had been referencing too, but it took me no longer than 3 weeks to notice that Mello, despite being a calm and reasonable person on the outside, is an emotionally unstable person like no one else in this whole orphanage. As his best friend it was expected of me to be able to tell certain things about him, but I still felt like there was so much more to explore about this fifteen year old guy. Things, which were beyond my current reach.

"Matt?" he said in a low tone as he pulled the waistband of his sweatpants a little higher up and seated himself on his bed. Looking back at him in response, I straightened my posture and held my knees to my chest. Imitating my actions, he continued to speak. "Do you think Roger will be back soon?" I didn't believe so. "He probably won't make it, Mello. Why do you ask?"

In a hushed whisper, with his dim light of the desk lamp putting us into a mysterious atmosphere, he suggested something no orphan dared to suggest in the last 10 months. "Would you like to stay up with me?"  
It was quite wondrous why I didn't hesitate one second and replied with a soft, excited "Yes."

Only later I would truly understand why this was the most important "Yes" of my life.


	2. Chapter 2

The simplicity of our friendship was fascinating, yet with time proved to be completely unpredictable. Memories tumbled into my mind, making me smile and filling me with this unexplainable feeling of pure content, which only appeared with the day me and Mello became the closest of friends.

Roger urged Mello to consume one of the sleeping pills on his first night, but Mello had already been exhausted from the hours of travel from Russia to the small place in England called Winchester. Unnecessary to explain that said fatigue was enough to even put a 14 year old insomniac like Mello to a safe and sound slumber.

As the time passed by, we would discover many similarities between us and would use these to deepen our friendship. Never once did I endure such beautiful days with anyone else. We could make jokes about things none of the other orphans would even begin to truly grasp. The void in my heart was filled by the happiness we brought each other daily, may it be through helping each other, surprising each other, spend all of our time with each other or just laying in bed at night and admiring the only connection we had to the outside world: the moon and his little stars.

That was how we started our best night, we were actually looking out the window and fell into a comfortable silence. Sometimes we could be the most talkative people this institution could have ever come across, other times people would think we disappeared, due to our extreme silence.

Mello decided to speak first, his eyes glistening with the moonlight shining upon them. "The moon and the stars are a great metaphor for what this orphanage is about, don't you think?" My mind carefully processed the words and I hesitated with my reply, trying to form a good sentence. "L resembles the moon and the rest of us try to shine as bright as him. With Near being the biggest and brightest one over there and us two being right over there." My finger pointed at two stars that were closely positioned and one was shining more than the other. I caught Mello scowling at the mention of Near's name.

It wasn't a secret that the number one, Near, and number two, Mello, hated each other. Every day they would deal with the constant competition of who might become L. Albeit I fought for the same title, Mello never grew to hate him. The blond and I were even known as the great duo, due to our great adventures and pranks that no one could prove to be of our doing.

Mello drew me out of my nostalgic thoughts when he continued to speak in a voice so soft and innocent, contradicting to the content of his words. "One day all these stars will fade away and so will we. We'll probably fail to be L, like everyone else did."

I felt the words sink into me and took a while to find an appropriate answer. Undoubtedly I agreed to the somewhat morbid idea of ending up as nothing but the whimsical remains of an experiment. Nevertheless I couldn't understand our reasoning behind this torture. Was being L truly worth all this trouble we go through every day? With all due respect to L and Watari but there had to be something more to life than this.

"Matt, what if there was something extremely beautiful this outside world can experience but we completely miss out on?"

Mello had to have read my mind. The exact same moment Mello had voiced his questioning, the thought of a greater purpose of life slipped into my mind. Curiosity overtook me and my eyes were fixed on Mello's azure blue ones. He seemed to have understood my message, because he continued talking. His voice was rarely this excited.

"I've read so many stories, Matt. They are stories that I will never forget and cherish, because they give me as much as an ounce of the outside world to admire. Solving mysteries is normal for a detective. What we haven't truly experienced as young detectives are love and lust."

Love and lust. These were subjects in our textbooks, albeit briefly and absolutely theoretically. Relationships with romantic intentions were generally avoided by most of the students. None of them would risk mixing their feelings with their logical thinking. I believed most of them weren't capable to tell the difference and therefore the thought of enduring a romantic relationship with someone only served to terrify the young, clever detectives of our generation.

"We should do more research on this. Can I borrow your laptop, Matt?"

Mello's suggestion was thrilling to me. I was eager to find out more about what else this world had to offer, other than theories and facts. Practicing these unspeakable things would give us an entirely different perspective. Honestly, my mind couldn't be completely at ease with the thought of knowing more than I originally intended. Moments later I handed my small black laptop to my blond roommate, who sat cross-legged at the other end of the bed. He placed the device on his lap and unfolded it before he pressed the power button. A few seconds later it was ready for use and Mello darted his eyes around the screen, the blue/green reflection in his eyes made them look even brighter.

"Matt, come here." Immediately I crawled close to him, our shoulders touching as I leaned in closer to see what he had discovered. A page was open and displayed numerous definitions of love, lust, sex and relationships.


	3. Chapter 3

First Mello clicked on a really long description of the word "love".

_"The most spectacular, indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone._

Love is an incredibly powerful word. When you're in love, you always want to be together, and when you're not, you're thinking about being together because you need that person and without them your life is incomplete.

This love is unconditional affection with no limits or conditions: completely loving someone. It's when you trust the other with your life and when you would do anything for each other. When you love someone you want nothing more than for them to be truly happy no matter what it takes because that's how much you care about them and because their needs come before your own. You hide nothing of yourself and can tell the other anything because you know they accept you just the way you are and vice versa.

It's when they're the last thing you think about before you go to sleep and when they're the first thing you think of when you wake up, the feeling that warms your heart and leaves you overcome by a feeling of serenity. Love involves wanting to show your affection and/or devotion to each other. It's the smile on your face you get when you're thinking about them and miss them.

Love can make you do anything and sacrifice for what will be better in the end. Love is intense and passionate. Everything seems brighter, happier and more wonderful when you're in love. If you find it, don't let it go."

Some time passed as we both let the words sink in. Then it hit me that this was exactly how I felt for my blond roommate. It couldn't be that I loved him, could it? No, we were the greatest friends for all this time. I was letting a silly definition get to me. Yet, my mind wouldn't stop playing with the thought of me loving him.

"What do you think?"

"I…It seems like a nice experience, being in love I mean." Mello always pulled me out of my thoughts in such a sudden way.

"I agree." The tone he said those words with was peculiar for him, somewhat eerie and lost in deep thought. Mello's passion for things bothered others, but often he would keep the excitement inside him, leaving it glisten in his blue eyes.

The next tab opened a definition of lust.

_"A large physical attraction for an individual, that is sometimes uncontrollable and completely unreasonable._

Often confused with love.

Lust is not love if you don't wish to anything other than have sex with someone."

Maybe what I felt for Mello was lust? It couldn't be. Sometimes I wondered what it would be like to touch the other male, but I wouldn't want to exclusively do that with Mello. We were connected on a deeper, emotional stage through our friendship. Other posts were fairly similar to this one. So we let our minds work with that information as we moved to the next topic: Sexuality.

_"Sexuality is just one of those things you are born with, you do not choose it, it's just part of who you are, whether you be physically, emotionally & sexually attracted to males, females, or even both.  
Only you can truly know your sexuality because no-one can feel the things you feel except yourself.  
some people think that if you are anything except heterosexual then you are abnormal or have a disease, but this is not so, people should except you for your sexuality whether that be heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual."_

We explored some of the other tags, especially homosexuality. Most of the posts explained how this showed love between two individuals of the same gender. Others talked about how much of a sin homosexuality was still considered to be, because religious people couldn't accept them. Bisexuality was interesting as well. Of course we didn't leave out heterosexuality. Silence surrounded us. We were communicating through nods and hand gestures. Mello was the first to speak again.

"What sexuality do you think you have?" His wording was simple and direct. His blonde hair turned swiftly as he moved to look at me, awaiting an answer. I could hear him breathing and I caught a glimpse of his velvet, thin lips. With an intake of a deep breath I made myself calm down and answer the blond.

"I don't think I can tell quite yet."

"Let's talk this through then. Do you consider yourself to be transgender?" Another word we had looked up. It seemed quite interesting, but I couldn't say that I felt the strong urge to become a female.

"No. You?"

"Me neither. Do you think you are pansexual?" Pansexuality means someone is attracted to every kind of individual (controversy to bisexuality: they like transsexuals as well as women and men). I didn't feel like I could truly connect with someone who has yet not found themselves, but it was still possible.

"I doubt it, I think."

"Mhm, same here. That leaves us merely with hetero, bi or homo."

"One of the tags was porn. Do you think that might help?"

Without a response Mello began browsing the web until he stumbled upon a porn website. Heterosexual porn would come first (no pun intended). The first video showed a man while he moved his private parts in and out of the woman's body. She was making loud, squeaking noises that strangely became annoying after a while. In addition, it seemed like she couldn't match the man's aggressiveness. Women appeared to be frail and close to breaking when he looked at it. Several other videos, one featuring a "blowjob" (slang for oral sex), didn't seem much better. I knew that when I found myself sexually aroused, my penis would stiffen and grow, also my whole body would become hot. Due to all the testosterone it gave out, my sexual desire would rise almost immediately. This wasn't the case for me.

After the last heterosexual video, I dared to speak up, seeing as Mello remained more than quiet.

"Did…you like it?" It took him a few seconds of consideration but then he shook his head. I hastily glanced down to his pants, spotting no sign of a building erection. He was honest with me.

"So that leaves us with homosexuality?"

Silence. Then he nodded. We both couldn't be that sure yet. We've only seen videos but none of them were reality to us. None of them were experience on our behalf. But with homosexuality there was a way to experience that.

"Mello, do you thi-"

My eyes widened when I felt Mello's slender fingers tangle in my red hair and his velvet lips pressed to mine. Again, he read my mind.

I calmed down quickly and started to kiss him. This was pure instinct, first experience material. It was hesitant but determined. This time my body showed a reaction. I felt my body heat up the closer Mello was, I felt how my lower parts started to feel hard. I think there was even a faint sound that escaped my mouth when Mello moved to straddle my lap and his body pressed against mine. This felt really good. Our hands started travelling and mine slipped under his black shirt while his was holding my neck. My pulse quickened and my breath came in short pants. Soon we parted for air and I couldn't help but smile when I felt something hard against my lower stomach.

"What do you think?"

"I want this."

"I do, too."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

We could see the stars every day, no matter how far they are from us. We could see reality in each other's eyes and that was more than enough. Maybe this was just another lesson the moon wanted to challenge us with. We had to see the world through each other. In the end, reality is nothing more than you want it to be.


End file.
